In The Beginning…

by themuseherself

The Birth of My Adult Web Site.

There is a reason and a story for EVERYTHING. Where did that chair come from? How did you get your cat? How did his parents meet? I love stories.

Well, this one is about an adult web site. I didn’t create it because I’m a typical lazy, pretty girl and don’t want to work. It wasn’t because I was in debt and needed to pay something off. It wasn’t to put myself through school…although I did exercise THAT cliche’ on my second go-round with college, working doubles and triples at the strip club Friday’s & Saturday’s, then doubling up on courses Tues and Thursday. But that’s another story, saved for later.

I created an adult website to get off the road.

I was traveling full time as a burlesque feature dancer, and had been for 7 years, living in an RV. It was a fun time, but I’d had enough. Driving 20 miles out to the middle of nowhere, only to pull into RV parks at three a.m. that hadn’t been listed as closed for the season. Back-to-back weeks in Oregon, North Dakota, Nebraska and then Christmas week in West Virginia, without seeing anything other than the venues and the local gyms. I missed birthdays, holidays, weddings…even a funeral. My agent didn’t allow me to say no and I was a pretty decent act, so the offers kept coming. It was literally why I had to live out of a bus.

The money was really good, but the expenses were horrendous. I made significantly less on my site, but I also wasn’t fueling an RV, tipping out everyone in a club, spending $1200 on Swarovski crystaled theme costumes, buying stacks of posters in bulk to give away and paying $20 a day to go to a gym on the road. If you read my tour diaries…then you already know some of the crazy shit that used to happen on the road, too. I traveled with two large pittbull mixes I’d adopted for companionship and safety. Three different times they attacked someone trying to push their way into my hotel room or the RV. One was a drunken lady in shitty Flint MI who just couldn’t figure out that my room wasn’t hers…even though there was NO other room around. The economy had bottomed out in Flint long before everywhere else and the girls at that c! lub were hooking for $5, so I’m guessing that’s what my room had been used for before. Another was a drunken soldier on a Georgia military base who followed me. He tried to break my door down. A third was a very sober stalker in northern Indiana. That guy had my dog taken from me. Thank God the club owner was tight with the local politicians. I got my American Bulldog back that later night between shows, but not before crying a lot of tears and a very hysterical panic attack. It was time to hang up the sequined g-string and do something a little less crazy.

I had an adult porn star friend (whose heart was actually bigger than her giant tits) who opened up her home and office to me in Las Vegas and that’s where I crashed for a little while to get on my feet, while she taught me how to run a website.

My site has been a source of stability, and I truly appreciate when fans become members. It’s also been a source of creativity as well. Whatever it says about me, I like getting naked and making sexy videos and dressing up for photo shoots. Writing my tour travails down, sprucing them up with all the snapshots backstage and video clips. I like CREATING something out of nothing. Content. Sexy content. It’s gratifying. 

I also know that as much as I’ve enjoyed this life, that it’s a limited time kind of career. And this is a source of great angst to me. Working for myself, having the freedom to fly home and visit my sick mom every two weeks, creating stuff…

Just FREEDOM. That means a lot to me. Working when I want to. Whether it is not all, or til 4 am, because I’m in a mood to keep going.

I don’t know if I could do that working for someone else. I don’t think I’d be a productive person being told to work 9 to 5. I doubt most people are. They just fake it a lot better than I could.